I'm making it

Today is two years since Stevo and KLC died. This will never be a good day for me. I figure I can complain about it today and not always have to be told to think of the good memories you have of them. There pretty much isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of that day when I walked up to Kaelsy's truck. It mostly happens when I am driving, bits and pieces always come back to me and put me on the verge of breaking down every time. The only good thing I can look at for this day is that I have made it this far and am coming out stronger. I can't help to think sometimes of all the things my kids miss out by not knowing their uncles and how silly & loving they were. I also am sad that they don't get to know Kindy anymore and remember all the good times we had at her house and how she use to spoil them. One of Gaiges first words was Kindy. He loved her to pieces and still talks about her but when he is around her now he is just shy. I know he still knows her and loves her but time put distance between us all and I can't stand it!!! I miss going to KLC's house and just hanging and his out of the blue silly comedic things he did. I miss Steven bugging the crap out of me till I just couldn't stand it and wanted to just whack him upside the head and his other side when he would want to talk and tell me everything that was going on in his life his plans, his wants and dreams. He was always so proud to be an uncle, every time we went to Eagar on Sunday at church he would have to take the kids to show his friends. I'm just sad Landon and my future children won't know them here on this earth. I'm just sad that's it!!! I have reason to be right? I should be able to have a day once a year that I can just vent out my feelings of all the pain I feel from them being gone! I'm going to stop now, or I would go on and on and have a pity party for myself but I just needed to get some of it out of my system before it eats me up inside. This is a lot easier way for me, to express it in writing, rather then expressing it to someone in person. I just can't believe two years have passed! So many things have changed. Thanks for letting me vent to you all. I may always seem happy on the outside but now you know my inside crushed and still healing everyday. I didn't write this for you to feel sorry for me. I wrote it for me, to help me move on and heal.